Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

Some people are wealth magnets, some people are drama magnets, some people are chick magnets.

I, Faithful Readers and Captivated Disciples…am a nut magnet.

Evidence:

Sine the inception of this blog, I keep getting e-mails from Ty in New Jersey. Ty writes in all caps, which should always be your first clue, greenhorn investigators. His e-mails vary slightly, but always follow this consistent theme:

“HEY JOHNNY, SEND ME SOME YOU KNOW STUFF FOR MY PI PROGRAM.”

Having ignored the first sixty three thousand two hundred and forty seven of his e-mails along those lines, I decided one day to toss Ty a bone. I sent him this response:

“Ty,

Try starting here:

http://www.schizophrenia.com/ami/

Hugs & Kisses,

J. Undercover

PS: They’re WATCHING!!!”

Feeling empowered by the smarmy sounds of my own jackassery, I proceeded to celebrate with the adding of Jack Daniels to Coke, oblivious to the fact that yonder tower bells did nigh yet toll noon.

And then the barrage started…

“JOHNNY, I CAN’T HANDLE THIS S**T. PLEASE TAKE THE MESSAGES DOWN”

‘What messages, Ty? The blog? I can’t, its part of my court mandated therapy program.’

“JOHNNY, STOP CALLING ME, I CAN’T HANDLE THIS S**T”

‘Okay.’

“JOHNNY, THE MESSAGES ARE STILL THERE. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS S**T”

‘Yeah, Ty. I tried Tide with bleach but they just won’t come out.’

“JOHNNY, WHY ARE YOU SAYING ALL THIS S**T? I CAN’T HANDLE THIS S**T”

‘I dunno, Ty. You seem to be handling it pretty well.’

And so on and so forth, ad infinitum.

The point is, I’m sorry, Ty. You win, and I’m sorry. You want the messages to stop? They’ll stop. Henceforth, I shall discontinue living…or at least blogging.

Any posts you see here from this day on, while they may bear the name Johnny Undercover, will not be from me. From this day forth I entrust the care and maintenance of this site to my faithful disciple, Squire John. The mantle of the pseudonym Johnny Undercover, and all the awesome powers and responsibilities therein, I entrust to him.

As for me, I shall retire to my château in an undisclosed location. One can never be too careful about revealing one’s specific whereabouts with a fan base like mine, can we Ty? Suffice it to say my remaining days will be spent as a man of leisure and luxury, both impervious and oblivious to all that surrounds me.

But, Ty? Just one last request…

http://www.schizophrenia.com/ami/