Monday

Rookie Errors

Man, faithful readers…Daddy really pooched one up royally yesterday. Really waded off into the stinky end of the bull pasture this time, if you know what I mean.

You do know what I mean, right? Good.

I mean, I haven’t screwed up this bad since that time I made the mistake of thinking that state appointed shrink was my friend. We were having such a nice conversation full of witty banter and open dialogue. Then we get in front of the judge and she starts throwing around terms like “paranoid schizophrenic” and “imminent threat to society”…

Whatever.

Where was I? Oh yeah…yesterday.

By now you’re probably asking yourself, “What could Johnny, whom we believe to have been born without sin and perfect in all his ways, have done that was so bad? Is the end now here? Is the Apocalypse upon us? Are there seals breaking and vials being poured out in the heavens? Doth the pale horse now rideth across yonder bleak sky?”

Jeez, calm down Drama Queens.

Okay, here it is…I screwed up the date and time shot on my camcorder.

You don’t get it, do you?

You see, when PI’s are out stalki…Oops! Careful with the wording there. Daddy had those records expunged.

You see, when PI’s are out conducting lawful surveillance, the evidence that we collect generally is in the form of video. After all, the camera is hard to argue with. Especially when the prosecuting attorney shows the jury the widescreen glory of you “borrowing” a few hundred dollars from the cash register while your manager is at lunch. You were gonna pay it back, right?

But…and this is a big huge badonkadonk but…it’s important that the investigator have accurate information contained within his evidence. You know, like the CORRECT DAY AND TIME. Otherwise, defense attorneys tend to ask you tough questions that lead off with, “If you’re too stupid to even set the day and time right on your camera…”

What happened was, I had to change the nicad battery in the camera. The nicad is the little marvel that keeps the date and time accurate even when the master battery is unplugged or being charged. But even the nicad must be changed on occasion.

And for future reference, greenhorn investigators, it is very…very…very…extremely…exceptionally…tremendously…very important that you reset the date and time after changing it. Otherwise, you wind up with video evidence that appears to have been collected on January 1, 1900. And any evidence collected that appears to violate the laws of quantum physics is, for all practical and legal intents, useless.

Having said all that, it’s happened before and it will happen again. For, I…gentle readers…am not that smart.

7 Comments:

Blogger Ballpoint Wren said...

Hooray! You're back!

Bummer about the date on the video, though. I'll bet it happened when you were working with the flu.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Johnny Undercover said...

Hey...yeah...YEAH! That's what I'll tell 'em. Ballpoint Wren with the save! I was about to resort to the truth.

Ballpoint Wren has a bulldog that eats toilet paper. I have a bulldog that eats intruders and the occasional unfortunate small furry animal.

The difference, of course, is that I keep mine high on crack.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Dennie McDonald said...

pop over from Ballpoint Wren - enjoyed your blog - I will make a note on the date thingie when I go "See" my fave singer next week when he's in town!

11:52 AM  
Blogger Johnny Undercover said...

Thanks for scratching around my sandbox, fellow D/FW Metroplexian.

Dennis is a published author, which is cool beans.

I'm a published author too if you count all those Writs of Habeus Corpus I filed from the hoosegow. Frickin' Patriot Act.

12:24 PM  
Blogger Johnny Undercover said...

Sorry for the typo in the above post. I meant to say 'Dennie' is a published author.

Drinking and typing...drinking and typing...

12:26 PM  
Blogger Dennie McDonald said...

been called worse things - LOL

thanks for the plug - first sales can never get stale - at least not yet!

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Private Investigator Austin Tx said...

Wow - I have had the same fear that I would do the same thing that I tend not to date stamp my pictures. I have a camera (or I did) that seemed to reset the date every time the batter ran low. So instead of taking a chance and getting the wrong date I generally do not place a date stamp on my pictures. Of course I will write a report to support my pictures and for most clients that is all they want or need. Glad to see that I'm not the only one with this concern.

1:54 AM  

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