Cell Me Down The River

Yep, Faithful Readers and Spellbound Kool-Aid Drinkers, I KNEW it was just a matter of time before this can of worms broke open.

Suddenly, your friendly neighborhood congressional representative is very concerned that your cell phone records are for sale on the internet. Considering they’ve been for sale online since….ohhhh….1989 or so, I applaud the catlike speed and grace with which they’ve pounced on the issue.

If not for the courage of that fearless crew, the Minnow would surely be lost.

Now, let me go on record as saying I don’t provide cell phone data to my clients. I tend to be the questioning sort, probably as a result of my past life with the Spanish Inquisition.

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

Why? There’s just too much gray area involved, even with a legal and legitimate purpose like tracking down deadbeat parents (You’ll note I didn’t say deadbeat dads. Waaay to many useless deadbeat moms out there to play favorites with that euphemism).

So how hard is it to buy cell records online? Take a look at the Google ads in my links section. If yours are loading like mine, you can access at least 10 different providers with one click.

And, you know what? Those are the mostly LEGITIMATE ones. You wouldn’t believe the e-mail I get as a licensed PI from brokers who can get any kind of information you can imagine. I could probably get the results of your last colonoscopy if I wanted to throw enough money at it, Gentle Reader.

By the way…I don’t.

So, here’s what will happen. Laws will be passed and the domestic sites will be shut down temporarily while they move their servers offshore and commence business again. Your records will still be for sale, but with a premium on the price for the minor inconvenience of having to circumvent the law to retrieve them.

So sleep tight, America. Secure in the knowledge that you are powerless to prevent anything from happening anywhere, anytime. Or, as the brilliant Dennis Miller says:

“F*** it, who wants pie?”