Never Duel With a Londoner

I had this e-mail exchange with Charles from London over the past week. Watch how deftly he extracts an answer from me in spite of myself. How we ever managed to outmaneuver the British, I’ll never know.

Charles is the Q, I’m the A. Good show, old man:

Q: “Mr Investigator, I read your blog in the UK. I’m curious, what is your position on the Iraq War?”

A: Hi. Actually, it’s Mr. Undercover. Investigator is what I put on all those tax returns I don’t file. Mt position on the Iraq War is approximately 2,000 miles West/Northwest of it. Dallas, TX. Present weather conditions 71 degrees, partly cloudy skies.

[Apparently redneck sarcasm doesn’t translate well across the pond, because he persists:]

Q: “Mr. Undercover, I understand your physical location, but what are your thoughts on the war? Did you serve in the military for example?”

A: Hello Again. No, I did not serve in the military. Unless you count the KISS Army, in which case I was a Commander in the Peter Criss Brigade. Even then, the Gene Simmons Marines got all the glory. Is there a reason you ask?

Q: “Yes. You seem to have political leanings in your writings. I wanted to know where you stood on the issue.”

A: Actually, the blog is mostly about my job. Any political or topical postings occur strictly because I find them amusing. I don’t find war amusing. Quite the opposite.

[‘Quite the opposite’? Note that I’m lapsing into British mannerisms throughout the course of the exchange. He’s already won this battle, my minions…]

Charles responds:

Q: “So you are against the conflict then?”

[Aaaaaaaahhh! Did I say that?]

A: Aaaaaaaahhh! Did I say that? I said I don’t find war amusing and therefore not appropriate material for what is basically a satirical blog. I leave warblogging to those better suited to discuss it. I can recommend a few if you like.

Q: “Not necessary. Easy enough to find those. Thought you might have an interesting take on it.”

A: Fair enough. Now that you’ve gotten me curious, what’s yours?

Q: “Mine? Mine can be summed up in one sentence. War is never the answer.”

A: That would depend largely on the question, I imagine.

Q: “That’s your position then?”

A: I guess so. [DAMN! I walked right into that!] Can I post these e-mails to the blog?

Q: “You’re going to do it regardless of my answer, aren’t you? Why ask?”

A: The appearance of civility. Take care, Charles.


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