Have you been injured on the job?

You’ve seen ‘em. The ads on daytime TV for clinics that treat work related injuries. They’ll do your paperwork for you, give you a nice a Chiro back pop and maybe even refer you to Cousin’ Henry, who’s a lawyer when he ain’t bartending.

God love, ‘em, these people pay Daddy’s mortgage.

You have a lot of time to think on surveillance. Now thinking was never my strong suit, but I do a little here and there. So as I sat in the back of the Stealth-150 with the blackout curtains and assorted forms of gadgetry scattered hither and fro, I started thinking about the insanity of it all. Now granted, people do get hurt at work and need help. I neither doubt nor debate that fact. But when, pray tell, did medical professionals start specializing in WHERE you received your injury.

Re-read that last line, I’ll wait.

Not WHAT kind of injury you have, but WHERE you received it. “Were you injured on the job? Were you in an auto accident? Did your mama drop you on the head? We can help!” So if I’m getting this, these guys should be able to handle pretty much any malady you present, as long as you got it at work or in a low speed fender bender. So if a missionary in Papa New Guinea comes down with work related leprosy, you can help…right Doc? How ‘bout Liver Flukes? What about auto accident related gingivitis?

Someday, in a fit of boredom (work related, naturally), I’m gonna hit the door at one of these joints and test a theory. Consider it my Master’s Thesis in Racketology. I imagine the conversation will go something like this:

Me: “Yep Doc, I really throwed my back out but good this time.”

Quack: (Hearing a faint but distinct sound of ‘Cha-Ching’) “Really, where did you hurt your back at?”

Me: “Shower.”

Quack: “You have showers at work?”

Me: “Naw.”

Quack: (Growing Desperate) “Soooooo…You have a shower in your car where you had a wreck and hurt your back?”

Me: “No. My shower. You see, I was singing along to my shower radio when ‘Country Boy Can Survive’ came on. I dove for the volume knob to crank up the part where ‘Ol Hank spits the Beechnut in that dude’s eyes…and well…there was a slick new bar of Irish Spring on the floor. Well, the luck o’ the Irish wasn’t with me that day, Doc, ‘cause I took a tumble like Cooter Brown on a rickety bar step. And now my back is ‘a hurtin’ like tarnation!”

Quack: “Get out.”

Me: “Say again, Doc?”

Quack: “Get out, I say! How dare you defile this sanctuary with your non work or auto related injury! A pox on thee and thy house!!! Now get thee behind me, Satan!”

Yep, I’ll bet that’s what they’ll say…


Blogger acoach2 said...

Terrific blog! Gingivitis is a popular topic these days.
I have a site about gingivitis.
Come on by when you get time.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Private investigator Austin Tx said...

I specialize in family law. One little trick is for a parent to get a doctor to say that the child is disabled. That way the parent can go to court and get child support from the other parent for the rest of the child's life.

2:48 AM  

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